By Charlie Hart (Ausome Charlie)

Understand what labels mean

One definition of “bisexual” or “bi” is “attracted to more than one gender”.

My preferred definition is this: May experience heterosexual (different sex) or homosexual (same sex) attraction.

“Pansexual” or “pan” means when we are attracted to individuals, their gender does not come into it.

Neither term excludes trans people.

Why talk about sexual orientation?

“Why talk about this”, you may be wondering, or “how is this professional /appropriate /relevant?”

It is not inappropriate to be open about our identity and protected characteristics. Many people do not feel comfortable or safe to be “out” about their own sexual orientation, but to me it is part of the “whole self” that I expect to be free to express.

Sexual orientation is a protected characteristic under the Equality Act 2010. We have a right to be open about our sexuality in the workplace without fear of stigma, and without unlawful discrimination and bullying.

Bisexuality is far more common than many people realise. You all have colleagues, friends, possibly even family members, who are bi or pan. However, they may not be visible or “out” about their sexuality – especially if they are in a “straight-passing” relationship, especially if they are from a background where their true sexuality would not be accepted by some and “straight” is the societal expectation.

What can allies do to help?

This is not an exhaustive list, just my own perspective, in no particular order:

Othering       

If you would ask a straight friend or colleague about their weekend with their spouse or partner, you can ask us about our weekend too, even if we have a same-sex partner. Please do not “other” us, by treating us differently in this respect. Please do respect our dignity and avoid asking intrusive personal questions that you would not ask a straight person.

Monogamy and promiscuity

If you have a partner or spouse who is bi or pan, please do not feel insecure just because of their sexuality. We do not have to “pick a side”, we fall in love with a person. We are just as capable of monogamy as anybody else, although some of us are polyamorous and that is also valid. We are not inherently promiscuous.

Jokes              

Okay, personally I might chuckle along if somebody said, “well I suppose being bisexual doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night”. Some of the bi jokes are offensive though, and some bisexual people are more easily upset about such jokes than others. Sexuality can be a sensitive subject to many, and we have a right to our dignity and not to be the butt of bullying jokes and toxic banter. If in doubt about how your joke may be received, please resist making it.

LGBT+ Pride  

Understand that we are a valid part of the LGBT+ spectrum, and that we do belong at Pride, even if we are in a straight-passing relationship.

Firstly, the B stands for Bisexual, we are still a minority group.

Secondly, please do not assume our gender, nor the genders of our partners.

Assumptions

One problem I have had since coming out bi, aged sixteen, is friends or work mates making assumptions. This is compounded by Autism, due to autistic social differences. Autistic and other neurodivergent people can have trouble interpreting “neurotypical” social cues and nuances, and there is sometimes a disconnect between our intentions and how we come across. This is a common problem, not just me, as there is a significant intersection between LGBTQIA+ and Autism (and other neurological differences). Please do not assume we are interested in that way, just because we are being friendly.

Myths and misconceptions

This is a bigger ask, but if allies hear anybody spreading false information about bisexuality or pansexuality, it would be good if you could challenge this and gently correct people. There are a lot of good infographics for dispelling myths.

Bullying and gossip

Please defend us if you witness any bullying or gossiping due to our sexual orientation. The efforts of allies to make the world a safer, more inclusive place can make a real difference. Much appreciated, thanks!

Image description: Smiling photo of Charlie in a pink blouse, pink and purple background. Caption Yes I’m bi, pink heart, purple heart, blue heart, No I’m not into you