Introduction by Ausome Charlie
This is a guest blog, written by an awesome friend. Totally unedited, as it was already brilliantly written and nicely laid out. Please tell us what you liked about this blog, in the comments. I really enjoyed how she listed the traits all jumbled together rather than making moral judgements about which are ‘good’ or ‘bad’. The first paragraph made me laugh out loud, because it brought back to me that in my home between the ages of 2 and 10, I used to run in circles from the hall to the kitchen to the dining room to the living room to the hall. Enjoy!
Prologue
I remember exactly when I first heard about ADHD, it was 2002, 21 years ago. I was 17 and I was at a friend of a friend’s house and there was a 2nd locked door in their living room leading to the kitchen. I asked why it was locked and she said it was because if it was open there was a loop from the kitchen to the living room and she would constantly run around in circles because of her ADHD. This blew my mind but from that moment onwards that was the vision I had of ADHD.
Early years/education
At school I was not considered a studious child. I was getting As and Bs and as such not really thought to be a “problem”. I was also:
- In detention a few times each week, writing countless lines and extra essays like “I will do homework” or “I won’t talk back to the teacher” or “I won’t disturb the lesson”
- I got an award for the most excuses for not handing in homework at the leavers assembly
- Not really fitting in with any particular group – being a bit weird apparently
- Bullied from the first school I was at until my GCSEs
- Had a couple of close friends but not in a group as such.
It took three years to get some A Levels, with no clear idea of what to do with them! Initially it was veterinary science – but didn’t get the grades, then nursing in the army – but couldn’t join the army due to an allergy, then I went with accountancy as I’m pretty good at maths and picked up business studies and seemed to have a talent for it.
THIS IS THE POINT WHERE AN ADHD DIAGNOSIS MIGHT HAVE BEEN HELPFUL!!!
However, my only experience of ADHD was that which is included in the prologue – which wasn’t me at all although I did have a high energy hobby that I did nearly all of my spare time.
Off to uni to study accounting and law. Why law? Because I had a suspicion that accounting might be too boring. I was right but the law bit was not particularly compatible with my brain. Sometimes I would have to break the statute into individual words to be able to read sentences! I realised that the law was not going to be my career as I found it so difficult whereas I wasn’t convinced about accounting either given that it was so tedious! I found insolvency law to include bits of both and the precedent was interesting and it was niche enough for me to focus.
15 years and 6 jobs later I have promised myself that I won’t do office work again. It was not right for me, none of it.
Pre-diagnosis
About 4 years ago I saw an autism meme and mentioned that a few of the traits seemed to be representative of my childhood – one hobby with lots of focus – being bullied – not quite fitting in – and others. I was running with Ausome Charlie and during a good side-eye running chat she suggested that I might have ADHD (not based on one conversation, Charlie had got to know me pretty well).
A few years to mull it over and I applied to the NHS for a diagnosis after being made redundant. My heart wasn’t fully engaged in this diagnosis as I found a new job pretty quickly and thought “well – I’ll just keep going, I’ve made it this far!”. Then that new job didn’t last and I was pretty low at this point not knowing what I could do for best. In all good conscience I couldn’t start a new office job without finding out if I actually did have ADHD.
Diagnosis
I took the decision to fast track my ADHD diagnosis opportunity. I paid for a private psychiatrist appointment. This appointment was within 7 days of me losing that last job. I had to supply some questionnaires – from memory these were from a friend who knows me now, someone who knew me when I was 6-12 years old and then two by me.
My first appointment was a bit scary – mostly my worry was “what if I’ve not got ADHD?!”. The appointment lasted 90 minutes and my biggest memory from the appointment was the moment the Dr said “you seem a bit spaced out” and then asked me what I was thinking. To this I explained that I was thinking about 20 different things at the same time. He asked me to list them and I did!
We discussed my symptoms (traits) * and strategies **. The conclusion was that medication might be a good idea, given that I’m at a crossroads professionally and that I’ve already got a few strategies built into my life.
Fast forward a few months, with regular appointments and submissions of blood pressure/pulse/weight and we’ve found a level of medication that works well for me. In the next few weeks I will be able to transfer my care to the NHS and at that point my GP will prescribe my medication.
I can wholeheartedly say that the medication is the right thing for me at the moment. I was worried it would change my personality but it hasn’t. It has opened my eyes. What is hard is the negative opinions I receive from people who think ADHD is the new fad. It just wasn’t a thing when I should have been diagnosed 30 years ago!
Life after
I am now, coming to terms with how that lack of diagnosis has impacted me in my life and how a diagnosis might have changed the trajectory of my life. These are obviously quite massive questions and I suspect it will take a while.
I have a son who sometimes struggles with focus. He’s the age where diagnosis would be possible. I’m not going to push his diagnosis yet but I am keeping an eye on his development. Particularly in line with the last paragraph above – how would a diagnosis have changed my life? So for him – would a diagnosis give him the best life possible? It might be that educating him in neurodiversity might be enough and that a diagnosis might not be necessary. I didn’t get that chance and am only coming to terms with it now. As a parent I must give him the best available opportunities to have the best life.
The future
I’ve done some soul searching and with the next 25 years of my working life I want to be kind and useful. I’m going to train as a nurse. I’m hopeful and confident that it will suit me well. Only time will tell. I’m looking forward to experiencing higher level education with my diagnosis and my medication.
* My Symptoms (traits) of ADHD
Excellent in emergencies, Appearing disorganised, Lots of energy, Indecision, Hit and miss memory, Procrastination, Picking up hobbies, Eager to learn, Hyper-focus, Concentration problems, Being late / early / in the wrong place, Over eating, Adaptable, Interrupting conversations, Adding brackets to nearly every text or email, Losing keys / sunglasses/ wallet/ camera / headphones, Forgetful, Being the class clown, In detention as often as was possible, Incredible at multi-tasking, Carelessness / lack of attention to detail, Insomnia, Appearing to have an attitude / being curt, Sore joints/nerve pain when still, Talking without realising I’m being boring, Bad at queuing, Confident, RSD (Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria), Overwhelmed in crowds but intense one to one, Saying inappropriate things, Bad with money, Risk taker, Fidgeting…
** My Strategies
- Key hook
- Sunglasses rack
- No wallet
- Radio 4 to sleep
- Lists
- Aftershokz headphones
- Negative encouragement – telling myself that I need to do that project otherwise I’ll hate myself. Can’t say this is particularly healthy but it works!
- Electronic calendar
- Deadlines
- Hiring a cleaner
- Exercise
Ausome Charlie 