No, I’m not going to try and explain my experiences and reactions in a short blog post.
I was just reflecting about how often I hear these well-meaning phrases, and I wanted to answer some frequently asked questions in a blog:
“I can’t imagine what you’re going through / how you’re feeling”
Ok, well don’t then. Unless you share my neurotype and my experiences, you won’t be able to imagine. We each process our experiences, feelings, traumas, grief and loss in a unique way.
“You must be feeling ____ “
Please don’t assume how I’m feeling or tell me how I should be feeling. Ask me, if you’re genuinely interested. Or listen to a podcast where I talk about it in detail. Do bear in mind I have alexithymia so I’m not always in touch with my feelings. Still waters run deep, until the floodgates open.
“I don’t know how you cope / keep going”
Well, I wasn’t given a choice, but I got on with it. I love my life and my family and friends, so that helps. I keep going for my daughters, and I keep going for me; we are survivors.
And Iggy’s legacy: our advocacy and activism. My family and I, and many of our friends, actively promote acceptance, understanding and compassion for neurodivergent and LGBTQIA+ people.
These are more helpful questions:
Why does this happen, and what can we do about it?
Why did a teenager like Iggy find the exit, aged just 15, when he had so much to live for?
What can we as individuals in this society do to prevent teenagers like Iggy from needing to find a way out?
How can we work together to make this world more hospitable for others like Iggy?
How do we raise kids never to torment other kids for their differences and vulnerabilities?
How can we create a society based on love, understanding and compassion?
Ausome Charlie 