Can I let you into a little secret?
People think I really have my sh!t together, and that I can’t possibly have ADHD because I am organised and on top of everything, but…
That is because I have an ever growing number of ADHD coping strategies (which could all be characterised as autistic routines and rituals).
I have a reputation for being super reliable (look at my earliest LinkedIn Recommendation, which still applies), but…
When those routines and rituals fail, it can cause havoc.
This example might seem trivial, but it really is not, because my daughters are both autistic and have sensory sensitivities. They both need to be able to trust me to help make sure their basic needs are met, and it is important to me that I never let them down.
One of the ways I help them is by making their packed lunches before they go to school, and this never fails as it is a consistent routine, except…
On Wednesday, Zee accidentally left her packed lunch behind. She messaged me from school saying ‘my mistake, put it in the fridge and I will take it tomorrow’ and ate nothing all day.
On Thursday, Zee took their Wednesday packed lunch, so I forgot to make one for Jay.
On Friday, Zee was off sick, so I only made a packed lunch for Jay, but I accidentally put it in Zee’s school bag, so Jay went to school without it.
This kind of thing makes me really feel like a crap mother, but maybe things will get easier when I eventually get my ADHD medication… I feel like I have been waiting forever!!
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Ausome Charlie 
Over my decades living alone, I perfected solid routines and structure to ensure I did all the things I needed to do. Getting married and living with my wife was a disruption, but I managed. Word days I kept my routine, so it was just holidays and weekends that I was disrupted. The last four-ish years, with the 6yo, the routine is a dumpster fire. Between working from home, the randomness of daycare and now school demands, and wife’s irregular in-office days, there’s no consistency on which to build a routine.
The wife doesn’t thrive in a routine, but she also has a frustration that about my not doing enough of the emotional labor. I’m not tracking when all of the things drop. Well, I think I’ve hit a burnout phase and lost the ability to track. I can be tasked to do the things. It’s the remembering on my own to know when to do the things.
I was more of a set reminders to prepare the things for the next day and have them in my backpack blocking the door. I got resistance to that approach because it’s too far in advance, which stresses her out. Instead, the hecticness of running late in the morning revs her up, but stresses me out where my mind goes blank.
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